Room 606

.. I had an encounter today with a Friend who actually reached out.... for a moment I was reluctant to give my points or opinion in life but by the time I realized that I should be talking I was already out of the room wondering what could have been if I did decide on discussing possibilities with him... the problem is, I am not in a position to deal with a matter that family and immediate persons around him should be the only ones discussing, its a matter of respect.. its about big decisions in his own personal life and it scares me to be ever involved in it.. but somehow I am in a way attached and felt obliged to do something about it and help as much as I can in a manner that would respect the immediate individuals surrounding him..

I wanted to share what Ive been through, what Ive been accomplishing, what I've been battling... but I wasn't sure if I was deemed worthy enough to solicit His ears as an audience... I wanted to let him know that I've been a part of where He is right now, that I know how difficult it is and how excruciating it is to wait for a time that would end everything you have gone through all this years... to cut it short and precise..my friend is dying.... and the only thing I can share to him are my animosities in life... I wasn't sure its good enough, but one thing is for sure, He needs someone to hear em out, someone who would prepare him for this..Im not suggesting that He doesn't have one, my point is He reached out to me and I was a coward to ever shut him down, thinking that I may have sent a wrong signal to him, thinking that I may had given him a wrong impression on me..

...I stammered on what to say, I was actually trying to be cautious in what I would say next, it is what I do but I was selfish to ever think of myself and the consequences I may have triggered if I did so, I was certain that I could do no harm, for in me it was a genuine hand for him to grab unto, and I felt that I could do no wrong since my philosophy was just to bear the truth, no nonsense, no twists, no misdirections, no bullsh*t.. I've been spat on, betrayed on by people I considered to be my family..... family dont abandoned their own, family dont betray their own... so for that I chose to be plain on straight forward on everything, yes I know it will be argumentative to be offering this notion but what the hell could go wrong if both of you understand the true meaning of "what is wrong and what is right?" If you know what is wrong from what is right then how hard could it be? You can't twist a wrong to be a right, it will still be wrong no matter how you put it, and I know He is that kind of a person, someone who can be at same page with me, someone who would understand my intentions.

...I wanted to do things for him but Im limited to a line that I dare not to cross, Im a stranger to them and Im just but an acquaintance....to me its more than that, call it attachment, call it stupidly immature, but God knows I've been day dreaming on trying to help them in a way that I can, an immaterial way of further improving the quality of his remaining life.....I share their grief, their anxiety, HIS anguish...

..what I am left at is this, a coward notion to let him know and his family that I do care, that I dont just take care of him out of necessity because of work..... and people would dare ask "what is it to you? why do you care? you dont know him that well, why would you even consider all of these?"

...I think its called "compassion" pure unadulterated compassion... WHY? I dont know! Its my nature to appreciate people out of their attitude, out of their natural behavior, out of their views in life.. I dont pitty HIM because he is dying, I see goodness in him that I just cant stop to stare..

...."mental toughness" thats what I said to him..... He inadvertently rephrased it in his own words: mind over matter..

Sir! I just hope those two words meant something to push you to be better...